-Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
-When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
-A penny saved is a government oversight.
-The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
-The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
-Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ‘ XL?
-If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
-If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.